About Loss

I've been reading a few blogs today about babies with HLH syndrome. It's a congenital heart condition, and it has to be corrected quickly because it is not compatible with life.

One blog that I read was written by a mother who lost her 7 week old son within the last week. I can't imagine being able to write anything after such a loss. But I imagine it could be cathartic. And all the while she is speaking of a God who is ever present in her suffering, comforting her. I can't imagine being able to testify about a loving God in the shadow of such a loss. But what a comfort, knowing that her son is whole and well and waiting for her in Heaven. She is struggling with some people who have targeted her blog with their political agenda. But she came to the conclusion that instead of shutting down her blog to outsiders, that the message of hope and faith in God on her blog could reach even a hateful person who has come to accuse her in the death of her son. What an awesome message, that even in her grief, she is more concerned about their souls. Bravo, Jill!

The second blog that I have been reading is by Matt Hammitt, who is also the lead singer of the Christian band, Sanctus Real. I saw them in concert at AtlantaFest in June, and he was talking about how his wife was pregnant and that they had found out that the baby had HLH syndrome through an ultrasound scan in April. They have been posting updates on the blog, Bowen's Heart. This is a bumpy ride for them, and baby Bowen is currently in moderate care.

I started reading the first blog because one of my twitter friends was really angry about what the "intactivists" are doing to Jill. Apparently they are saying that he shouldn't have been circumcised due to his heart condition and that it contributed to his death. Because every one of them are doctors and have read his chart and can conclusively say that this is correct. No, wait. They can't. It is a shame that someone has the indecency to harass a grieving mother the very day that her baby died. Shame. But while I was reading this blog, I remembered about the Sanctus Real concert and I went looking on Facebook to see if there was a blog to follow on their baby. Then I started reading Bowen's Heart.

So I've been sitting here for 2 hours bawling my eyes out about babies with broken hearts, and praying. Because I'm up anyway, I had to wait for my oldest to get home from work because I can't sleep unless all my chicks are under my wings. I can't imagine trying to sleep at night if one of my babies never came home again. It must be serious agony. What must it be like to cry until you don't have any tears left, but the pain hasn't lessened at all?

So as I go to bed tonight, I am saying extra prayers for baby Bowen, and his parents. I'm also praying for Jill and Shane and their family, that they will be able to grieve their loss without the harassment of a bunch of hateful ignorant (insert very ugly words that I'm thinking here).

God bless you, Matt, Sarah, Bowen, Jill, and Shane. I'm praying!