I have a lot of stuff to say

...But when I log into the blog it's like it disappears. I read other blogs, and I think about how marvelous it must be to just be able to shoot off a few lines and it resonate with other people. I mean, my blog is basically invisible. I had another blog, but when I wanted to change my email address, it wouldn't let me, so I ported it all over here. But I didn't port my 1.5 reader(s). So wherever you are out there, here I am!

I have recently encountered a situation where I reacted strongly, and I wasn't exactly proud of the vicious feelings that surfaced in me. I mean, I'm never surprised when mama bear comes out, and that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about a customer service issue. Seems a website that I paid to participate in changed some of the rules, which they are entitled to, but then they were extremely upset when I decided I wasn't going to give them any more of my money and I decided to leave them with it. We're talking flipping out upset. And I wasn't the only one concerned with where things were going. A large group really was disturbed, and so we all picked up and left. I can't for the life of me figure out why they were surprised. But I felt rather vindictive, and so I removed posts that would be a problem, changed my username and left. I was sitting here thinking about whatever that was that came out of me. I was angry and shocked and a little mean. I thought I was a nice enough person, but I really doubt anyone around me is surprised at my reaction. I'm kinda blunt and up-front about what is going on in my head, and if I'm not, my face betrays me something fierce. But things like this sometimes make you look in the mirror and say, "Hey, chick, don't kid yourself, you can be a real witch sometimes."

I have never been that "nice person." You know what I'm talking about, that person like Melanie Wilkes in Gone With the Wind, that never believes any evil about anyone, even when they (talkin' to you, Scarlett) truly are evil and deserve a finger-wagging from Melanie. I wonder what makes someone "nice". Is it upbringing, birth order, doormat issues? Why are some people just nice, and other people, well, not so much? Believe me, I really TRIED being nice. But it's really hard to PRETEND to be nice, when you're just not. Does anyone else feel like this? There are people in this world that are just not bothered when someone else just steamrolls them into a flat greasy spot because they are self-serving and out to get what's coming to them. And I think about those kind of people too. The ones that don't care who they run over or hurt to achieve their own selfish plans. The people that (in the stories) never win and get what what they deserve in "the end". That doesn't always work out in real life. Sometimes those people win. Sometimes the nice people end up getting punished and the jerks get the prizes. But I guess that's another blog entirely.

Anyway, what I was getting at was that sometimes when the pressure is on, you really find out who you are. And sometimes it's not at all what you thought you were.