Now I grew up a nature girl. I loved the outdoors, and animals! I loved any kind of animal! I still do, really. I used to catch lizards and snakes (non-poisonous thanks) and anything that I was fast enough to get my hands on. A stray cat would have kittens under our porch, and I would try everything I could to tame the little devils. I spent most summers with my face all scratched up because I wouldn't leave that poor mama cat's babies alone. There wasn't an animal out there that I didn't love, I wanted to be a veterinarian when I grew up.
But I do not believe that the word 'animal' can be used when one is referring to spiders. BLLLEEEECCCCHHHHH!!! Just the word spider makes those little chilly bumps on the back of my neck stand up. I would rather eat raw goat brains than have to deal with a spider. I have been known to try to exit a moving vehicle (that I was driving now that I think about it) when a spider came jumping out of the air conditioning vent right beside my steering wheel. I had a neighbor drive into my yard one time and she asked me if I could help her get a spider out of her car. I told her that I didn't care if the fool thing ate all of her children and came after her next, I was NOT getting into that car to help her find a spider.
I saw a movie once when I was VERY little, with these giant spiders putting people in their webs and eating them. I don't know if this was the beginning of my spider aversion, because I don't remember ever having warm fuzzy (OK bad choice of words there) feelings toward any arachnid. My Mom and I thought it would be good therapy to go and see the movie Arachnophobia. THAT was just about the stupidest idea ever. Some idiot behind us kept throwing popcorn on us and every time it would land on us, we'd SCREAM. In the movie theater... yeah I'm so proud.
The only other thing I'm afraid of is clowns. I am pretty sure that the clown thing started when I was little, I can distinctly remember two clown things that scared the crispy cow cooties out of me... Do you remember Jack-in-the-box?
This guy used to scare the bejeebies out of me every time. For those of you who don't remember Jack, you've got this little box here. There's a lid on it, and a little crank on the side. You turn the crank around, and it plays Pop Goes the Weasel. And you know, you just KNOW, as soon as you get to the POP part, that DARN clown is going to come jumping out at you. But for some reason, you still jump halfway out of your clothes when he does it. I used to play the song REALLY slow, and when it got to that part, even though I was COMPLETELY ready for him to jump out, I would jump and scream anyway. WHY?!?! I believe Jack was the beginning of my clown issues. But my best friend Melanie (we were 4) had a clown collection. She had shelves all the way around her room full of different clowns that she had collected. She had clown sheets and clown curtains and even a clown nightlight. This clown nightlight was the scariest thing yet. It was a clown face, illuminated by a sickly green light which made this clown look downright evil. AND this creepy light cast a glow on every one of those clowns on her shelves. They would stare down at me when I would spend the night with Mel, just DARING me to go to sleep so they could tear me apart with their sharp evil clown teeth. *GASP*
I still do not like clowns. I do not encourage my children to interact with clowns. I mean, just because you're a guy with a big bulbous red nose and makeup and rainbow hair does NOT make it ok for you to give children balloons and be hugging on them, right? I think not. Look at John Wayne Gacy, he dressed up like a clown! Of course, he only murdered young gay gentlemen, so I guess I'm safe there. But what if one day there's a clown dude that wants to kill overweight Moms? It could happen, I'm sure the young gay gentlemen never saw it coming...
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