Voice Activated Menus

"HI! Thank you for calling (Satellite TV Provider). I see you are calling from (phone number). Is that the correct number for the account you are calling about? Please say Yes or No."

"Yes"

"I'm sorry, I did not get that."

"YES"

"OK, before I transfer you to a representative, please tell me specifically what you are calling about today."

"I ordered a remote control, and it has not arrived."

"I'm sorry, that movie has already started, it will be available again on September 12 at 10pm for $6.50. Please say the title of another movie you would like to order, or say 'Main Menu' to return to the previous menu."

"Main Menu."

"I'm sorry, that movie is rated for mature viewers, and your account is restricted from this type of film. Please choose another feature."

"MAIN MENU."

"I'm sorry, that movie is rated for mature viewers, and your account is restricted from this type of film. Please choose another feature."

"I WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK TO A HUMAN PLEASE!"

"OK, before I transfer you to a representative, please tell me specifically what you are calling about today."

"I ordered a remote control and it has not arrived."

"I'm sorry, that movie has already started..."

"IF YOU DON'T PUT A #$@$#% HUMAN ON THE #@$@%&^* PHONE RIGHT NOW I'M GOING TO..."

"You can order this movie for a $1.50 convenience fee, if I transfer you to an agent, it will cost $3.50 more."

CLICK.

"HI! Thank you for calling (Satellite TV Provider). I see you are calling from (phone number). Is that the correct number for the account you are calling about? Please say Yes or No."

0 0 0 0 0 0 0 (dialing zeros)

"I am transferring you to an agent now."

"THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"

So the agent answers the phone, and I am doubled over in hysterical laughter. She sounded quite confused and I told her if they record those sessions with the talking robot, she needs to get a copy of it.

I explained my problem, I ordered a new remote control because SOMEONE lost it, and it was supposed to arrive Friday. She told me that she needs to transfer me to installation, where they can track it with FedUPS or whomever. So I sat on hold and listened to the lovely Latin boogie music while trying to put away some laundry. Well, let's just say I got a little "into" the boogie music and during my Christina Aguilara impression, my big face hung up on installation. DARN.

So I redialed.

"HI! Thank you for calling (Satellite TV Provider). I see you are calling from (phone number). Is that the correct number for the account you are calling about? Please say Yes or No."

"YES"

"OK, before I transfer you to a representative, please tell me specifically what you are calling about today."

"Installation."

"I'm sorry, I did not get that."

"IN.STAL.LA.TION."

"OK, hold on for an agent."

"YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" (I learn fast)

So here comes the boogie music again, and I managed to refrain. After much music and little announcements about keeping my phone plugged into my satellite system so that I could get the sports stuff, the guy comes on from installation. So installation tells me that the FedUPS guy put it on my porch on Friday. I said um, no they didn't. He said he would get FedUPS to put a trace on it. HUH? Does that mean wherever it is, it will start flashing and beeping? I hope so. Maybe the other one that we lost will flash and beep too. It's just amazing though. We lost the first remote, and then we lost the second one before it even came into our house. This is how it is around here. All.the.time.

****UPDATE****
Tuesday morning FedUPS shows up on my porch with the missing remote AFTER they told the satellite folks that they had put it on my porch last Friday. hmmmmmmm....